


April 17. 1999

by phonybeatlemania



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Grieving, Linda McCartney - Freeform, M/M, McLennon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 20:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30044337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phonybeatlemania/pseuds/phonybeatlemania
Summary: It's exactly one year since Linda had passed, and though Paul was now in a fulfilling relationship with John, it was still going to be a difficult day.At least he has John here to comfort him, regardless of how many times he might tell him he's fine.***Inspired by a Tumblr prompt I got ("You know, its okay to cry.")
Relationships: John Lennon/Paul McCartney
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	April 17. 1999

April 17. 1999

One year since Linda had passed – this isn’t going to be an easy day.  
Paul turns to the clock sat beside the bed he now shares with John, 06:32 am. He decides he’ll never get back to sleep, and lying awake trapped alone with his thoughts would serve only to dispirit him, so he might as well get up.  
He’d been back with John for a few months now, neither of them had planned on initiating any type of romance – simply after Linda had passed, they started getting in touch more and more; John started taking flights to see Paul more often, and Paul always welcomed his company.  
After about 2 months or so, Paul invited John to stay the summer with him, and John accepted, since he had divorced Yoko some years prior, but had failed to find a sustainable relationship since. At some point they’d started drunkenly kissing, just like when they were two teenage boys in Liverpool; but that light-hearted kissing was quick to turn into something more – and eventually they realised their relationship had not just been renewed as something sexual, but had reverted back into the deep romance they’d felt for each other all those years ago through the 60’s.  
Despite his overall contentment in his long, though deeply complicated, relationship with John over the years, Paul still wasn’t over Linda. Of course, he never would be, they were married for however many years, and some part of him would always love her – but he was happy to be with John now, and given time he knew he could move on.  
He was standing by his kitchen counter, brewing himself a cup of coffee, and though he was deep in his thoughts, he could hear the sounds of Johns footsteps. His partner wrapped his arms gently around his torso, and kissed his cheek, then adding “Are you okay?”  
“I’m alright love” he replied with his best attempt at enthusiasm.  
For someone who barely knew Macca, it would be quite a convincing act – but John knew him the best, and had learnt over the years all those tricks Paul was inclined to use to dissuade people from ever getting too close. Pausing, John then continued with, “Paulie…I won’t be hurt if you aren’t okay. I know you love me, but you love her too, and that’s okay.”  
Paul turned his neck to look at him, “Thank you Johnny. But really im okay. Okay?”  
“Okay” John said half smiling, then untangling himself from Paul. He understood that this easy-going attitude was a façade, but he wasn’t going to push him into talking if he so clearly didn’t want to.  
“Are ye having breakfast then?” Paul asked.  
“Nah, im gonna go take a shower” John said, already half-way across the room.  
“Okay love – my kids are gonna be here at 9:00 by the way!”

***

It was Mary and her family who’d arrived first – Paul had seen her not too long ago, after she’d given birth. Then came James, then Heather, and finally Stella; there’d also been some slightly more distanced relatives, as well as close friends of Linda’s.  
It was a nice day – Linda would have wanted it that way. They cooked and they drank, and they joked and they laughed, and though there was a beloved presence missing, they still had a good time together.  
But sooner or later, after everyone was just about surpassing tipsy, and had been telling and retelling those nostalgic memories from the farm, or from the studio, or from wherever it may be, Paul had disappeared upstairs. Noticing he’d been gone for 20 minutes or so, John snuck off to look for him.  
He found him sat on the edge of their bed, looking out the window, though clearly caught up more in his thoughts then anything outside that window.  
He knocked gently on the door, then asked, “Are you okay Paul?”  
“Im fine, yeah, thanks” he rapidly retaliated.  
John took a few steps closer to his partner, then muttered “Paulie…”  
Sat beside one another on their bed, Paul sighed and continued, “I just- I just miss her. Cause she was here for so long, and now she’s gone y’know.” His voice was closing up more with every word, but he still persisted in saying, “And im getting along okay now, and im not depressed so often anymore, but looking at those photos…I dunno. I-” he paused as a tear slid down his face, he swiftly brushed it away.  
John replied carefully with, “Y’know, Paulie, it’s okay to cry.” then wrapping an arm around his partners waist.  
“I don’t need to cry…” he replied defensively, though it was clear that by now there was a plentiful amount of tears running from his eyes already.  
“You don’t need to, but its fine if you do. We’re not in Liverpool love, you can let your guard down.”  
He tried to reply sternly with, “Johnny…” but he couldn’t even finish the word without his voice breaking halfway through. With all defences abandoned, Paul simply curled up into Johns arms and wept and whimpered, for all that he missed about Linda; John understood any resolution he could offer him would simply be futile, and knew it was best just to let him weep – and so he held Paul in his arms, affectionately rubbing him, as his boyfriend held his face in his palms pouring out all those emotions, all the shame and regret and pain that is unfortunately so imperative to grief.

***

After some time had passed, Paul started to calm down, and soon enough he’d stopped pouring his eyes out. And it seemed that suddenly he was enlightened by that newfound liberty a person feels after they’ve cried – as though they’re no longer confined with all those emotions that had been clogging up their head for so long. And just like John had been murmuring to him all day, it really did feel okay now.  
“I love you, Johnny…” Paul said quietly, now smiling as he bundled his arms around his partners neck. He brought him in for an impassioned kiss – but he was quick to break it off by adding “I love you, but my kids are gonna be wondering where the hell we are, so we better get back!”

**Author's Note:**

> So this was based off of a Tumblr prompt I got, which was "You know, its okay to cry."  
> This is the first fanfiction ive written in years, so its far from perfect, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways; im planning on making this into a mini series, of John and Pauls relationship after the passing of Linda, bit dark but I love a bit of angst cant lie.
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr @Phonybeatlemania03, and feel feel to send me a prompt! I need people to pressure me to write more so that I can improve haha.  
> Also, dont be shy if you wanna chat!! <3


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